“I’ll quit smoking” it’s now an everyday statement. This 85MM pipe is now smoking my health. Don’t know how every time I convince myself to take this? I’m with this slow poison for long. It’s badly sucking my mental strength. Why I’m so fond of this numbness? There is no need even. Sadly, I’ve been loving this unconsciousness. Can you wake me up and drag me out of it? I beg for this.
The conversation that runs in my mind…
Though I started it with aggression. Now, I’m irritated by this tension. Before and after a sip of it, thoughts turn to 360 degrees. From “I can take this one” to “Why I took that one?”, the regret plays its game. It brings a proud moment that starts from holding a fresh cigarette between my fingers and ends up crushing it beneath my shoes. The truth bewilders me badly with regret. The momentously created fictitious world fades back into reality. The Last puff takes away all the satisfaction driven into me.
Suffocation has started restricting my proper breath. The stylish cigarette Puffs are now the strokes of my heart. I hate this poisonous air that I create. Probably, I’m cancer for others, a bad inspiration. But I still can’t die like this. Is my journey going to end soon? NOOOO!!! This sort of risk I’ve never desired.
What if I wouldn’t get rid of it? I think that would be the most terrible fear affixed to my life. I need a panacea. If I won’t die with the disease, I would die with fear of dying early.
I’ve become a helpless addict. I tried quitting it many times. But I couldn’t manage more than 2-3 days without it. I’ve intentionally been blurring my future. I feel the smoke stored inside. Also, every next puff that’s getting in, it feels to me. It is a sort of stress reliever that’s putting me in more stress. A few minutes of numbness where I just don’t feel myself, can’t be said to be an anti-stress medicine. Consumed ample nicotine chew gum but that started complimenting my addiction to smoke.
Quit Smoking Today
I’m the reason if I’m in stress. But I can’t run away from myself. Rather I should feel and experience the max of me. What I want and what are my priorities to life, just need to have a look at those things. It’s definitely not going to be easy. But, if I’ve become toxic, I’m the only one who can detoxify myself back. I need to look at my family and think for once “Can they afford this if I get into the clutch of a disease that can end my life in an unwished way?” I cherish that proud moment when I’ll really be out of this shit. Now I’m trying for the last time to quit it. With all my mental strength I’ve decided this. This is the last chance. No doubt, either do or die.