Sometimes, I just can’t say No. Not even when I want to. Somehow everyone can convince me. Why I’m so easy. What’s the cause behind? Why after just one or two tries of saying ‘No’, my ball falls in your court and makes me say ‘Yes’. I wish I could get rid of it. People know I’m an emotional fool. They’re well versed in playing with my mind through their unreal emotions.
It’s been a whole year since I’m observing this shit-piece of my nature. Finding ways to help everyone, taking blame where I’m not wrong and thinking that nobody should get hurt, phew! what the hell I am in. “could please everyone stop taking advantage of what I am?”
Ironically, I’m also pretending to be proud of that. Very convincingly I used to say, “I don’t wanna Change”. I am better like this. But the inner truth gets pent up beneath my smile. Could I be little like, what is inside me come out as it is? I don’t want filters in me but I’m the most filtered.
Tell me, does it because I understand the things a bit later. I’m not spontaneous. I can’t argue for long. Not even for my rights and myself. Maybe I love to regret later. Or maybe I’m not a true peace finder. Possibly, I want everybody to screw my happiness.
How it ruined the job life?
After hearing just one pleasing line about me while I been showing sympathy to their fake emergencies, I get someone else’s work to do. That’s so nice! Isn’t it? It takes me down every time I realize that my colleagues have actually fooled me emotionally. Here my regret shapes the anger. Anxiously it comes out with few abusing words for myself, all this while I’m being alone.
Why So- Why can’t say NO?
As I explored the depth of my thoughts, I got to see a common cause behind my problems. I’m not hurting anyone! Why I just try to please everyone? I’m not Nitrous Oxide. What if they get hurt and what if I’m the reason behind that? Why I’m not seeking my peace? Could I be a little selfish? Yes, I should be, and I have to be.
It’s the time I need to focus on me. I think it’s good to be alone sometimes. Now I won’t hurt myself in a try to please you. You can hurt yourself, would be better. Your fake emotions will now make no difference. Better you all stop blackmailing me. Your issues now won’t hinder my happiness. They’ve been set free.