It slipped from my hands, though I held it very tight, my feelings are like sand, stated by a sturdy girl. I preserved it, deep inside with care at most, but I was unaware, someone extracted it, my feelings were stolen.
Sturdy as character, I show my independence, my strength and I never allowed anyone to intrude my personal space. My life, my ways, though chaste cum bizarre but cast my nature. Too emotional but I hate emotions, interactive but I hate attachments, tried always to be happy alone, sans recourse, yes I loved restriction and control, the chief pylons of my visage. I’ve been Searching my highway drawn on the crooked roads as destined in my life. And you touched my life, like anybody else, looked for some space, understood me like nobody ever did. A chronic depression wherein I’d always been living; you brought me out of that and that too so simply, clearing my doubts to life, one by one. You taught me, a new way to see people, pay importance i.e. nothing more than required, being guiltless, for people who’d not emotions for me. With every single talk with you, I used to feel, that I’ve, qualities and goodness, mostly unbeknownst to me, popping out through your taunting words in sarcasm.
My nature that I’d always proud on, pulled my legs back those’d already stepped on a strange road, a road that was destined to make me fall in love and dependent on someone else. I lost my essence, one that got intertwined in your flavours. It happened, that was supposed to, my first inkling, since the day you entered, I realized myself attached in your feelings, so much affected with every word you used to speak. This all was worse than anything that could’ve happen with me, the reason behind was “I wasn’t allowed”. My life’s not just mine, I’m living for the proud of my parents and that’s what I’d been doing for long; I believe in the choices, they make for me. they have been doing true up all my wishes even before I could’ve spoken it. I can prove out to be very good but as a friend, if you’ll try searching for more than that, somewhere I’ll fail as I lack guts inside though I pretend to be sturdy one.
That was the first time, I hated it, my controlling nature, giving colossal pain inside my heart, I was supposed to, so decided to bear it alone. “I’d to clear this to you- don’t get attached to me- I’m a mad piece, featuring world of alien, not earth”. I got worried of it, can’t see in pain, people who care for me.
Felt light, a little bit, clearing this with you, you understood me here too. You laughed at my thoughts, tagged me with funny names those sometimes indeed justified to me. And we continued it like before.
Though I was on the verge of control, your sincere attention and your never ending curiosity, every time just to know a little more about me, pushed me down to get tensed about you. My fear had wings this time as I got little sure about your feelings that you’d been hiding for long for me. Nevertheless, I made an attempt to ask, had to do, couldn’t leave you to fight alone this battle of feelings, keeping the eyes blindfold. Literally your feelings were ineffable, it made me cry and I just thought “why, why me, I’ve nothing in return to your precious feelings, you’re nice, truly It’s my bad, can’t come closer to you, totally helpless to help you out”
I wish you could move on and me too, always gave you pain, starting from the day 1, well I feel so, though you disagreed on it. Now we don’t talk, our last decision taken together, stay happy and forget me!!!